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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?